“Why I Hate Weddings” – Confessions of a Millennial Sober Chick

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I just don’t care for weddings. Weddings, don’t get me wrong, not marriage. I think a healthy, fulfilling and happy marriage can be one of the most powerful and beautiful chapters in life.

On the other hand, weddings are fundraisers where we have to eat crappy food and listen to music that makes me want to stab my ears. (Journey, anyone?!)

At the risk of sounding like a Petty Crocker, please hear me out here now that I have your full attention.

An average wedding in the U.S. costs between 19-33K, while 50% of the couples spend less than 15K. This is really alarming considering that an average Joe earns roughly 24-32K a year, not including student loans, debt, etc. Unless their family was to step in and help cover some of the costs, an average couple basically puts more than 1 year of their salary INTO ONE EXTRAVAGANT DAY that truly does not reflect what the rest of their 22,630 days (plus or minus a few, depending on how much God loves ya) will look like.

Weddings are damn expensive for the guests too, who, by the way, are obligated to spend every step of the way just to celebrate YOUR BIG DAY. From the $500-800 roundtrip airfare tickets I’ve paid for destination weddings to the $500/per night crappy hotels I’ve booked just to stay with the group, everything adds up.

Let’s face it – most wedding traditions are just outdated and downright cringeworthy. On the day of the wedding, both the bride and the groom will be prepped and readied like the sacrificial lambs. The whole wedding process and everything is entirely for the benefit of your relatives, giving them an opportunity to get drunk and dance to corny wedding songs. It makes no sense from the perspective of the couple why this was even necessary. Nobody waits ’til their wedding night anymore so please, miss me with your sweaty garter toss. Nobody wants to wait for hours just for the couple to take photos so please be considerate of your guests and schedule your photo ops on a separate day! And “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” parties should be reserved for *SINGLE* young adults in their early 20s who still get excited by a wild night out. All the booze-fueled expectations of lecherous behavior at “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” are just stupid. This whole “getting a last taste of your bachelor/bachelorette” life is just wrong. If you’re treating it as your last night of freedom as a single man/woman, then you probably shouldn’t marry someone who will make the rest of your life feel like a trap! Run for the hills. TRUE LOVE IS FREEDOM. And look, even if you see these bridal parties as one last hurrah with your gal pals or bro-skis, then why not schedule annual visits/trip so you can still keep each other in your lives for the rest of your life? Again, your actions for the rest of your life outweighs the public display of activities leading up to A SINGLE DAY.

Emotional Investment:
More than half of the weddings I go to is more out of obligation than emotional investment. If I don’t know your middle name and you don’t know mine, chances are we don’t really have much history, aren’t that close, and probably will not be part of each other’s future… and that’s OK! Let’s just spare each other the time, expenses, and heartache.

At the end of the day, 99% of all weddings are the same. Whether it is on top of a mountain, bottom of a hill, a beach, a church… trust me, I’ve been to it all. I am officially #WeddingedOut

I should disclose in here that I don’t really drink so maybe this is why I’m getting a wedding burnout! So while all the other peeps in the room are getting drunk and taking advantage of the open bar to drown their boredom, I have to witness it all sober. Maybe I should title this piece “Diary of a Sober Chick”?! Hahaha let me know your thoughts below!


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Dear 2019, I’m Here to Take What’s Mine
“Why I Hate Weddings” – Confessions of a Millennial Sober Chick