Dear 2019, I’m Here to Take What’s Mine

Dear 2019,

I’m going to cut to the chase here – you have a lot to live up to! The past couple of years before you were some of the difficult yet impactful years of my life.

I’ve been on a journey of self-growth for the past couple of years – both in my professional career and my personal life. For the longest time, I defined “happiness” by the success in my professional life. Whether it’s how many shows I’ve booked or how many interviews I’ve conducted, I based my self-worth on achievements, which only led to temporary highs and lows.

I compared my journey to others and operated as if there was a deadline for every chapter in life. I felt like by the time I reached my mid 20s, I should have had multiple national shows under my built, and by the time I was 29, I wanted to be the youngest Asian-American entertainment news anchor for a national channel! (Forget the 5-year-plan, your girl was on that 10-year plan!)

Despite my best efforts of putting on a facade of living a life deemed enviable to many, I was miserable deep down inside. I reached a point where I was mentally and physically exhausted, spiritually bankrupt. I realized that I was doing it all wrong. Instead of finding fulfillment in my journey, I felt like I have been running on the same hamster wheel for years and not really getting anywhere.

In 2017, I wanted to “deconstruct”! I forced myself out of my comfort zone by leaving making a bold move from across the country from LA – NYC. I was burnt out from the Hollywood scene and since I spent my early 20s running from one carpet to another, chasing celebrities in La-La-Land, I really did not have a chance to experience the earlier part of my adulthood. Beyond the “Hollywood Bubble,” I had no idea how these normal twenty-somethings lived and I found myself longing for change.

2017 was a year that kicked my ass. I had to leave behind some of the closest friends that became family. I traded my luxury apartment loft with pool, jacuzzi, gym, and BBQ grills for a studio so small I could cook from my mattress! I traded my car for subways and cabs. I also traded the always perfect weather for the cold slushy – also known as last week’s snow!

My friends and family all thought I was crazy and they all said I was going to come back. Secretly, I knew one day I would… but I wanted to come back as a *better* me. A *stronger* me.

Moving to NYC humbled me. There’s something so real about being in a City with over 8 million people and nobody cares about who you are, how many followers you have, or what you do for a living. I had to learn to establish a new support system, a new way of living, the energy of the City re-inspired me! I discovered my passion for creating content and saw a bigger vision for my career! Beyond entertainment news, I started branching into more lifestyle content that gave you a glimpse of who I am as a person!

I’ve always believed that there is a greater purpose for my talents and in 2018, I realized that the “greater purpose” I’ve been searching for has been something inside of me all along. Beyond the red carpets, the interviews, and all the fashion and beauty looks, the “greater purpose” is and has always been my story.

In 2018, I decided to open up my journey by launching a new Youtube channel and this blog – XiXiYang.com. Within three months, I went from 164K followers to 201K followers, and you all have been showering me with so many encouraging messages!

In 2019, I want to take ownership of my life. I want to hold myself accountable for everything that happens to me and everything that I do. I want to live my life on my own terms. Unapologetically. Fearlessly. And I want to share every step of the way with you.

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